Cigarrette and Words

I just woke up in the middle of the night. Felt like writing something. Lit a cigerrette, a few short puffs then a long one, it feels great. Feeling of smoke filling my lungs. It doesn’t worry me, damaging my lungs. Just enjoying…

I don’t know what is happening inside me or why am i so unsettled or what is unsettling me; may be i am not unsettled. Just this nagging feeling of going somewhere, far away from everything. I always wanted to go far, always felt this call. May be it is just my imagination or my mind is playing tricks with me. Whenever i get into some sort of rythym, i became unsettled. May be there is something wrong with me or i am just scared to push on. I am smoking, smoke fills my lung, i exhale again…

I don’t have any particular reason or subject to write about, only the urge to write something, anything. May be just to spend some time with words and thoughts. Again, i am not very good at putting my thoughts in words. Yet i do so every now and then. Sometimes it makes sense to me, sometimes it doesn’t. It is all a game, may be. May be i am trying reach someplace but everytime i reach a destination, something else beakons me…

What the hell. I finished my last cigarrette. It always ends so suddenly whenever i start to enjoy it. Am i scared of enjoying life because it is suppose to end suddenly? It makes me laugh sometime. It’s time stop this nonsense…

Good Night…

Only ants know where the hidden candy is

How many of us, actually knows the history, at least, i don’t, never cared actually. To me, it was a thing of past and it should be left there.

Truth always go unnoticed. It (truth) happened, had happened or happens, will happen and will keep on happening whether we see it or not, whether we notice it or not.

Sometimes it amazes me and sometimes it confuses me..
Confusion, because how do we decide what to notice? Should we notice what we want to notice? Should we notice what appears in front of our eyes? How to decide what i am noticing is actually a thing to notice? Again truth may repeat itself but not at the rate a lie should. Here again, how do we know, about the rate of repetition of a lie?

So my point is, knowing the past may help or guide to better understanding of truth and what is happening around us now, THE PRESENT.
And knowing what’s happening may lead us to next step, which is, what to do next.

May be we just don’t need to do anything, may be we need to do something but again confusion…what do we do? Why are there so much confusion? THINK…

May be, we have nothing that we can turn back to when we feel confused…it is like having a home address and knowing the way that leads to home.
You may travel for long time knowing you have a home where you can head back to if you don’t feel like travelling any more; You may not ever go back there but knowing your home address and the road towards it may give you comfort at times when you are confused or tired. Knowing the path that will take you there will keep your heart at rest. You won’t get unsettled, if you get lost…or something unsettling happens along the way…or you get scared thinking, what is this place and how have you come here and why or from where…Knowing what lies ahead may not comfort you at that or those time but two things can and those two things are –

one, knowing your past (truth)..

secondly, know the path that will take you to your home..

If you had no home, would any of us feel so happy about travelling? being homeless doesn’t make us traveler, we just become homeless…

Hope it makes sense…